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This is a story I have been living with for 10.5 years. A quarter of my life.

Through self-portraits I explore and show my feelings and inner states after losing my home in 2014 due to the war. It was my native house that saw the birth of my children and was always my bunker and shelter, but in 2014 was unrooted, burned, erased from the geographical map of Donetsk region (Eastern Ukraine), leaving a hole deep in my life.

I moved several times across Ukraine, but in 2022 after the full-scaled war began, I was obliged to leave my country, moving to Valencia, Spain.

I try to be strong during all this time. Sometimes I even try to say final “goodbye” and let it go. But in my memory are all those dates that divide my life into “before and after”. In memory are questions that are still impossible to answer, and addresses of my native city, where I left a part of myself once and forever.

 

Ruined dreams..

Erased memories..

Broken lives..

 

WHERE IS MY HOME NOW?

 

What is more painful - I'm not the only one asking this question. Hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians ask this question every single day during last years, as huge number of people lost their native homes and left their native cities. Their home is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. As home is not a physical house only. Its about feelings and emotions. Its about memories. Its about family roots and connections. Its about your life. The life that you need to re-collect and re-start after all losses again and again. Both physically and mentally.

I believe my project will be not only the  visualisation of my personal pain and survival, but a collective pain and survival of those Ukrainians who lost their native home from 2014 till nowadays.

  • "ROOTS"

    Until 2014, I imagined myself as a tree whose roots grew deep underground.

    To all my husband's requests during 2012-2014 to move from Donetsk to Kyiv, I replied that large trees cannot be transplanted because they will die.

    But everything changed in one minute
    on June 3, 2014, when outside, where my children were playing, Kalashnikov rifles sounded, and in that endless minute I realised what the greatest fear of my life is.

    We collected some clothes that just had time to collect,
    and left Donetsk on June 5, 2014.

    As it turned out - forever..
  • "WOUND"

    The wound that will never heal..
  • "BROKEN"

    Broken after having got the photo of my burned and destroyed house..
  • "PARTING"

    This photo may seem ordinary, but it is very emotionally important to me. This is how I hugged the wall of my home before leaving it forever. It has deeply etched itself in my memory..
  • "ADDRESSES"

    Addresses of my native city Donetsk, where I left a part of myself once and forever..
  • "DREAM"

    Sometimes I see a dream..
  • "DATES"

    In memory are all dates that divide my life into "before and after"..
  • "NO WAY BACK"

    After leaving Donetsk in 2014 I understood that there was no way back to my native city, where I was living during 33 years. All my family had to begin the life from scratch..
  • "QUESTIONS"

    In memory are questions which are still impossible to answer..
  • "CONNECTION"

    The only one thing that left from previous life - is memories..
  • "FEELINGS"

    It does help to talk about our feelings with someone we trust.
    Sometimes we need to bring our feelings to the person who is triggering them. That can breed intimacy and closeness.

    But the most important person we need to tell is ourselves. If we allow our feelings to pass through us, accept them, we shall know what to do next..
  • "LET IT GO"

    I try to be strong all this time.
    I try to say final “goodbye” and let it go..
  • "DONETSK-KYIV-VALENCIA"

    Our family house was situated near Donetsk airport (DOK), which was destroyed at the very first days of the war beginning in 2014.

    After moving to Kyiv, I was leaving near Boryspil airport (KBP), which was closed in 2022 since the full-scaled war began.

    Occasionally my house in Valencia is situated also near airport (VLC).

    So many changes, so many movings during 10.5 years..

    My destiny lines seems to revert into geometric map.
    The map of my memories..